Keys to Moving Beyond Past Failures
| October 22, 2010 | Posted by Roshawn Watson under Uncategorized |
By: Roshawn Watson
Do you believe in second chances?
I sure do. It’s always nice to hit the ball out of the park on the first try, but sometimes a second swing is required. All too often, we become so demoralized from initial failure that we give up while on the cusp of breakthroughs. Successful implementation of one idea can completely revolutionize your fortune. Do not allow past failures to rob you of tomorrow’s victory.
Leaving the Past in the Past
I know we’re tough, but sometimes the past not only affects us, it controls us. It’s is no coincidence that psychologists often focus on the underlying past events influencing present behavior. About five years ago, I was discussing investing with a friend. She told me that her father used to be a diligent investor; however, he presently keeps his money in savings accounts. I asked her why (he wasn’t that old), and she said it was because he lost money once. Now, her dad can obviously do what he wants to do, and I’m sure the recent (2008 through March 2009) stock market dip only confirmed his suspicions. However, it is quite depressing to be a saver right now. As a saver, he is likely ignoring (or at least mentally suppressing) the fact that inflation and taxes are eroding any return he is getting. Instead of developing an investing strategy that accounted for his lower risk tolerance, he decided to leave the market altogether because of a bad experience. He is successfully failing to fail. To this day, that bad experience defines him and restricts his ability to grow his wealth.
Personally, I think the challenge is keeping the past in its context. It’s not a matter of denying what happened but rather the lens with which we view our past shortcomings that often determines their impact on us. I remember opening my first C.D. account several years ago. I went to a financial workshop at a business school. After it was over, I decided to tell the facilitator what I was doing. To be honest, I was a little proud of myself and thought she would be too. She was proud of me…until I told her the interest rate that I was receiving, a whopping 1.2%. Her expression was classic. She gave me a conciliatory “Well, at least you are trying…” This had the undertone of “but you will certainly have to do better.” She was right, and I am glad that I used that experience to become a better steward of my resources instead of allowing it to turn me off from saving and investing.
Success Not As It Seems
We often don’t realize what’s involved in someone’s success equation. If you listen to the details of someone’s journey, you might be quite surprised. Earlier this week, I shared how Dave Ramsey was an overleveraged multi-millionaire who went bankrupt in the eighties but has rebuilt his fortune. Despite his popularity, many are unfamiliar with his struggle. He didn’t allow his failure to stop him from becoming much more successful than before the setback.
I was recently listening to Peter J. Daniels, an internationally known speaker, philanthropist, and businessman. Some have estimated his fortune as near a billion. Many would be surprised to know that he started as a sickly, illiterate bricklayer. Through the years, he has also had challenges in his businesses as well, yet he rose above them. The point is that your past failures (or achievements) are not necessarily a predictor of the future. For example, if you look through his life, you will find that your qualifications and potential for success are greater than his were when he started his businesses. This supports my belief that if you learn how to do one thing well and can persevere, you have a genuine potential for extraordinary success.
Remember, Babe Ruth is both the home run king and strikeout king.
Learning From Failures
Some people love learning from their experiences. I’m not one of them. I often find this method too painful and slow. However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t look for value (lessons) from mistakes. “Listen to the pain, it’s often trying to tell you something” my mentor used to remind me. It still is very hard to walk through recent mistakes impartially (without getting upset). If you invest everything into a goal, not reaching it affects you. You have to allow yourself time to grieve. The death of a dream is very painful. Let me share with you a revelation that completely changed my outlook on failures a few years ago. It caused me to realize that very few failures are tragic. Additionally, it helped me separate a failing project or task from being a failure. The quote is:
“Men don’t drown by being underwater, they drown by staying underwater.”
In other words, you have to get back up from failure. One of the best ways to accomplish this is by not repeatedly making the same mistake. Thus, you must acquire the wisdom from the misstep. The old saying goes “insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly but expecting a different result.” Don’t allow pride, arrogance, confidence, or pain to cause you to dismiss the lessons you should be learning from your mistakes. I believe it was partly his willingness to own and learn from his mistakes that caused Donald Trump to go from being worth a negative $100 million to an estimated $2.4 billion. Unfortunately, too many of us successfully fail to fail instead of playing until we win.
Dealing With Criticism
Regardless of whether it’s building a business, investing in paper or real estate portfolios, or obtaining a Ph.D, there will be challenges. Critics may deride you, laugh at you, and wish you ill-will, especially if you fail at something. Don’t allow their snide remarks to change your perception about yourself or your abilities. It is easier to throw stones from the sidelines than to achieve something significant. I’m convinced that part of their hostility towards you results from their resenting the fact that you have the guts to achieve what they couldn’t or wouldn’t. Let them tell you the 10 reasons why they think you suck, and know that their opinions cannot hinder your ultimate success. Your struggle is the proof that you have not been conquered. Laugh all the way to the bank my friend. A monument was never built to a critic anyway. Tell every dream-killing troll in your life that they provide limited value at best and are a waste of space at worst. (I kid, it is best to leave the negativity to them)
Adopt your winning posture because it’s time for battle again. Your present victory isn’t dependent on past events, luck, genius or what critics say. Possibilities for you are determined by your capacity to believe. Don’t be a prisoner of your circumstances; create the life you want today!
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Great post Shawn. There has to be a balance to learning from the past. Some people allow the past to strangle them (like my grandma after the depression). Others don't look back, and have repeated bankruptcies or foreclosures.
Great post Roshawn! retweeted.
I'm convinced my problem is I've never encountered real failure before. I've always done well enough to slide by at the worse of time and this probably kept me from taking risks and swinging for the fences.
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I guess I really didn't think about it that way. Yen and yang: learning but not being stifled. Great point and thanks for the comment!
I've always learned more from failure and criticism than success and praise. I want the success and praise, but failure really makes you take a hard look at yourself, your values and work ethic and methods.
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I can certainly understand how this occurs. We live in a society where companies are too big to fail. Tell me how can the best businesses continue to rise if no one ever tastes the pain of failure because there's a bailout awaiting. There is often redemption and wisdom from overcoming obstacles. Great comment!
My recent post Keys to Moving Beyond Past Failures
Hi shawn, Failure is regularly UNDERRATED. They say that the most successful folks are those who have put themselves out there and failed the most!!!
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Hey Barb,
Thanks for bringing up how we often discount failure. It's a simple fact, and perhaps instead of looking at not achieving one's goal on the initial try as a failure, maybe we should just count it as a valuable learning experience.
My recent post Keys to Moving Beyond Past Failures
Thanks so much Aloysa 🙂 Interesting point. Life has challenges regardless of how "successful" one is, so why not look for the lessons in the those challenges?
Thanks for the comment and RT
My recent post Keys to Moving Beyond Past Failures
"…you must acquire the wisdom from the misstep". Exactly right. People make things look easy because they are easy. At one time I was finishing my basement and needed to put up drywall. It was taking me forever and finally I got a friend who did it for a living. He knew all the tricks of putting it up, taping it , sanding it, putting the bead on etc. He was able to do in a day what would have taken me 4 weekends to do and he made it look easy.
I learned to pay close attention to people who know what they are doing.
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Yes, natural talents aside, I guess it is easier to swing like Tiger Woods when you have been playing golf since you were three.
Yes, I'm becoming a lot more time sensitive about DIY projects, so I completely can relate with respect to your basement. It's just not a good use of resources.
Best Regards,
My recent post Keys to Moving Beyond Past Failures
Great post, Roshawn. I guess the idea is to learn from your mistakes. One doesn't learn by sticking one's head in the sand, but needless criticism that does not help is worse than useless. I agree with you about what we can call the people that like to give such criticisms. 😛
There is a balance in the middle where the information is empowering, and where we can learn from it.
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This is a great post. You know recently I had a professional revelation. Someone asked me during an interview what is the biggest thing I learned in my sales job. I didn't have a canned answer, but the one that stuck out, is FAILING.
In sales, you only have a 20-30% close rate, so you have to fail A LOT to have any chance of hitting a number. When I was in engineering roles, I took failure much more to heart and didn't always see it as the path to the answer. I always felt stupid for not seeing the right path ahead of time.
Failing, although painful is a necessary part of pushing yourself to your full potential.
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Thanks Kevin,
Yes, learn from the mistakes, not be paralyzed because we're scared to make them, understand the process better, and not be bullied by the critics.
I sometimes have to fight the urge to tell caustic critics how little their opinion matters 🙂
My recent post Keys to Moving Beyond Past Failures
That's a really good point: all too often we are taught (either directly or indirectly) that if we fail at something we must be bad. There's an inability to separate the task from our own self-worth. Now, that you are in a more forgiving profession (sales), the previous expectations (hit the ball out of the park each time) is tempered with reality (not everyone is a buyer period). I can definitely relate to feeling pressure to get everything perfect due to career expectations (I'm in healthcare).
I agree with you. In order for most to reach their potential, they need to get use to things not going ideally, especially on the first try. It's part of the process. Thanks so much for the comment.
My recent post Keys to Moving Beyond Past Failures
Just wanted to say great post! I definitely believe in 2nd chances! It's one of the many things that makes our country great 🙂 Other countries don't always provide that opportunity…
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That's a really good point. I haven't thought about legal differences between the US and other countries, especially regarding making mistakes, in quite some times. For example, it is certainly more challenging to have a second chance if the punishment for an alleged crime is that your eyes be plucked out, hand chopped off (only exaggerating some; unfortunately legally sanctioned physical mutilation not unheard of), or you are sentenced to death for something that would be a misdemeanor here.
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This was a very inspiring article. I was at a point in my life when I felt at my lowest due to a mishap in my life but after reading this I feel like going on. I know that "Our Father" forgives and gives us second chances and maybe that is all I should worry about but I tend to let critisizm from family continue to drag me down. I messed up once and i've constantly let that define me. Thank God for inspirational people such as the person who wrote this article
Thank you Val. You literally made my day. You definitely can have a do over. Don't let past mistakes or the criticism from family members determine your future. Yesterday is in the tomb, but tomorrow is in the womb. You can birth a brighter future. Establish some healthy boundaries between you and family, particularly the critics. Bless you as you move to the next step. Kindest Regards,
Shawn